i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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