I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I puked a lego.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
