A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
