yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
