So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
