come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
