Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
