WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
