I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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