The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize