Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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