Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
