here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
