We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
areolas are like halos for boobs.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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