Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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