they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Buhtt sex?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
