It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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