just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Randomize
