I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
