so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize