Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
