Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just google imaged poop.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
