Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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