Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
