only if we run a train.
done.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
