Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
