Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
