dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
