i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
