You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
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Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
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I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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