I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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