Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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