I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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