she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
