Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
