wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
