You smell like a Billy Joel song
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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