Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I wear drunk well.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
