He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
