we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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