i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
