if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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