your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
