omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
