You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Text me some of your sweat
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
