It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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