Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
