Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
