Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The Olympian is in my bed
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
