She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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