oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
