Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
