would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
