Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
