she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
