I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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