We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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