she was so not down for the gang bang
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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