he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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