How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
