fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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