She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
