Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Couch. On fire.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
