New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
