So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
