I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
