I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
