The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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