He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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