The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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