I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
