A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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