3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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