don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
