right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
